Imagine this.

You are in a queue, standing politely in line waiting your turn. A man turns up, in hurry and steals your place. You would probably feel frustrated. Maybe there’s no reason to ask why!? He’s obviously disrespected you. 

Clearly, it’s not really about the line. I mean, who cares, you’ll get to the front, eventually. The deeper underlying reason is that an old wound of not being worthy or being seen is activated. Like an alarm in your body, your system is telling you to defend yourself by raising your voice, or explained to the man that he just did something unacceptable. 

Now, imagine someone doesn’t answer the phone or text you back. You feel worried. Same alarm, same wound. 

You applied for a new job, no answer. You feel annoyed by the company. Same alarm, same wound.

So, let’s look at the wound rather than the people who you believed caused you the frustration. 

Wounds basically are trapped fears of not being worthy or good enough. And if you are frustrated a lot, then you know you probably often feel unworthy or not good enough. 

Frustration or anger and the behaviors that come along with them: the blaming, explaining, being a victim are actually all cover up for your fears. It’s your system’s way of protecting you from not being good enough, worthy and from being rejected. 

So how do you heal old wounds? 

Exercise

Imagine an 8 year old child. He or she feels angry for a failure on a test in school. What would you tell this 8 year old child?      

A.  You need to be better, study more, work harder. (If so, you know where your own wounds coming from.)

B. Don’t be angry. I will help you next time. (If this is your answer, you know why you feel bad when you feel bad, meaning why you got anxious when being angry. You are not allowed to be angry.)

C. I see that you are frustrated. Is that correct? It’s ok. Let’s be frustrated for a while. Do you want to share why you are frustrated. …. Fear? It’s ok. I also feel fear. All people do. It’s ok and normal. We don’t have to feel that though now because the is no reason for it. I love you either way, whatever you do. Love is not in the way you succeed, or accomplish something. Love is an action of choices. I choose to be angry right now and that is ok. I also know that I don’t have to be. I’m not a victim, I’m a leader and I can lead myself through all emotions in a loving way. 

Now see if you can imagine that the 8 year old is you, in need of validating and guidelines. And to be seen and loved no matter what. 

Read more about how to become your own super parent here and here.

This is a guest post. The opinions expressed are the writer’s own.